Thursday, October 22, 2009


i feel like im on craft overload. from pickles to pumpkins to baby blankets heres my project list that might never get done:

baby quilt with 6 large hand embroidered squares
stack of oneies to be embroidered
stack of birth cloths to be embroidered
1/3 completed crocheted baby blanket
0% completed baby sweater
piles of veggies to be pickled
bags of pumpkin innards needing to be seeded and roasted
knit cap to replace the 2 of gregs i lost
baby booties
lemons waiting to be.... i dont thinking i try marmalade...
softies for the baby made from left over quilt fabric
too late for summer dress
kitchen embroidered tea towels

plus for some reason i keep hosting dinner parties. i dont know whats wrong with me, but i feel like the holidays are just going to push the insanity into over drive!
i mean just thinking of all the cookies i need to bake makes me gasp. this might be my last holiday at home and i really want to make the best of it.

have i mentioned how much i love making things?

plus: new mini diana!!! i really dont need you but must have you!!!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

i loved that bitch

i think i might have just broken my co worker's heart when i told him our display artist might of thrown away the sound cable for the computer. how will he watch youtube during his breaks?!?!?!

i really do have a write up about seattle and how awesome and amazing it is and how greg and i are considering moving to the northwest because hot damn we loved it!!! but work computer is mean... maybe library computer will be nicer?

also my mom is putting my childhood dog to sleep. which is pretty awful. shes the best dog ever and totally won me over in becoming a dog person. Diamond is probably the most apathetic dog you will meet, rufio (my current dog) on the other hand would simply look at you and then move to another room to get further from your dry sobs. i honestly dont think i would have made it through high school without her constant attention to my feelings. plus we think Diamond might have gotten brain damage from chewing through so many electrical cords as a puppy. she also was the most bad ass dog on the block, not really a large dog she still thought she was ferocious enough to take on st. Bernards. dude, the bitch was crazy.

so Diamond i spill this forty for you, may you enjoy that big field in the sky. i'll always remember you as the runner awayer, the epileptic fit haver, the master escape artist, and the best fucking dog i have ever known. i love you girl.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

this happens when all your friends are guys

talking with best friend about girls:

him: "So I had to make out with her to just to make sure it wasn't my fault. You know, that I hadn't lost my touch."
me: oh no it wasnt you, she's a really bad kisser.
him: "Yeah, okay! Wait..."
me: oh yeah, ive totally had her.

ahhh, when worlds collide...

i really need to have more female friends.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

too many neighborhoods

"The lavender is very light and delicate, it's more like scented hot water." -magical tea shop guy
"isn't that what tea is?" -me thinking tea guy is a bitch.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Seattle so far:

Lenin and Bruce Lee?!? apparently thumbs up at any landmark is the theme of this trip...

Monday, September 21, 2009

on Dune (the old school movie)

"Sting does have a very memorable-"
"COD PIECE!.... you werent going to say cod piece were you...?"
"I was going to say role, but I guess that works too."

Saturday, September 12, 2009

photo shoot

i know its been over a month but heres some pictures from my wedding. ill upload more at sometime... and maybe some from outside or something...

im like way lazy and these are on my work computer so really who knows how long they'll last.

i dont know if you know this but im like real classy.

Friday, September 11, 2009

planes and trains

i know i know

i am a terrible blogger. but you really can't blame a person who doesn't have the Internet... or a computer. or a working tv, or mp3 player... or really any kind of recent technology...

anyway i'm taking a trip in a couple weeks and i was reviewing all the things i can't take on a plane. i found this list: HILARIOUS

who in there right mind thinks bringing a cattle prod onto a plane is going to be okay?

but if you scroll down just a little: THROWING STARS!

i want to meet those people trying to sneak throwing stars onto a plane. i mean what kind of damage are you really going to inflict? anyone familiar with Upright Citizen Brigade? probably not....

(kid tries to go on rampage at school by using throwing stars. just ends up more ridiculed and the shame of his ninja father)

comic gold!

Friday, August 7, 2009

best wedding ever

so yeah the wedding thing was cool and ill talk more when i have pictures to show for it.

what i really want to discuss is that i am apparently now very allergic to NyQuil. right after the wedding i wasn't feeling well which was due to massive exhaustion took some NyQuil to help me sleep the cold off and ended up almost having heart failure. okay not heart failure but i was dizzy throwing up all over the place and couldn't feel my face. it was way sweet. so i will never being doing that again.

unfortunately now every time i think of the food from the wedding i get super nauseated and which is no good when i still have all that food left in my fridge.


highlights: people actually ate the dozen jars of pickles i made.
i sang "be are guest" from beauty and the beast.
i didn't drink the sediment at the bottom of the bottle of home brew i was carrying around all night.
people did karaoke
someone drew a penis dinosaur in my guestbook!

Monday, July 20, 2009

a completely marriage related post

i think my favourite part about planning a wedding is my laziness. im just waaay too lazy to care. the only time that im snapped into a wedding frenzy is when i feel like greg has done nothing. then im all "guess what i did today, all the stuff you arent" but now he's all working hard putting together playlists and compiling all the karaoke booklets, he even rented and put down a deposit on the sound equipment! now its me being "well i ordered some candy because i thought it would look pretty on the tables...i forgot to look up stuff about the marriage licence"

leave it to me to prioritize candy.

i like all the little crafts that go into the wedding. i enjoyed trying to design my invites. i like digging through christmas ornament boxes looking for white lights to string in the trees. i like making wire frames for dozens of jars for candles. ive filled shot glasses with dirt and succulents as table decorations/gifts. shit im making 2 dozen pies from scratch for christ sake!

and i still dont have shoes.... or jewelery...or even a veil. i have some random tulle i like to bunch up around my head. ill probably just tie it in a knot and hot glue some sparkles on it and call it a party.

i think i feel most guilty about not being excited. apparently im suppose to be jumping up and down and bursting into fits of giggles/tears. when people ask how im doing i kind of shrug my shoulders and say i figure things are coming together.

its not that im not happy to be marrying greg. but greg and i knew we were going to get married after about a month of dating. this is more about health insurance and spousal visas rather than dreams coming true. we just cant imagine trying to find someone else who fits us so completely. greg besides keeping me laughing is so patient and forgiving when my high strung shenanigans get the better of me. i push greg into being more comfortable with who he is...mostly by doing cartwheels as we walk down the street and one time buying us a matching slytherin sweater sets.

maybe its because im not doing all the wedding stuff. we're not having a ceremony or any showers or bachelor parties. i dont have a florist or a baker or even a candle stick maker. there is no bridal party unless you count my friend since 7th grade who makes me breakfast sometimes and tells me he's not wearing a dress or matching socks. we hardly registered for anything, just some books and kindles. honestly we just want money or donations to Freedom to Marry.

what im really excited about is getting everyone we know together and hopefully somewhat inebriated. im also REALLY excited to eat! and hopefully some of our friends will camp out with us in my parents backyard and we can all spend a silly morning together cleaning everything up.

i like doing all the work, because all the work i planned is fun. so really i want to plan a party like this all the time, because the main goal for me is not the whole "death do us part" (dont get me wrong im all for together forever) but rather feeding my friends and getting them good and knackered. and i think thats their main goal too.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

oh theres more

While we were shooting this some guy in a jeep drove up and yelled "FAGS!" at us and then drove away very proud of himself. it was really kind of sad. but despite that we had loads of fun acting like the deewbs we are.

dont forget these are by Matt Novak, our amazing and super excited photographer.

Friday, July 17, 2009

a couple engagement shots

Greg and I are sooo cute. Rufio's okay. We're one ridiculous family and whores for the camera!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

why has no one mentioned this?!

the only reason why i go to work is because my coworkers know where all the awesome stuff is on youtube:

holy shit this little girl is amazing!! and so are kittens!!!

ps- pies suck, if this doesnt work out we're doing "make your own sundae" at my wedding. im totally okay with that.

Friday, July 3, 2009

sort of kind of hate weddings

who doesn't want to be hoisted into the air by scantly clad, extremely sweaty gay men? i swear i had a class with one of these guys. i also got sweat in my ear...

but yeah, pridefest was fun, as it is every year. if you happen to read this and are coming to the wedding please note that greg and i are asking for donations to Freedom To Marry and not blenders.

on this last leg to my wedding i'm kind of stressing out. not too much because i don't have vendors, but also because i don't have vendors. greg and i are still working on music and entertainment (which greg keeps telling me he has so much time to work on and still has done nothing). Also why does no one RSVP for shit anymore? why do they just show up and expect to be fed?

you know how many people have rsvped? 14. 14 out of 75. seriously wtf. i have to order food for you people, and if i don't know you're coming i'm not going to order you food. and ill turn you away! i swear. not really though. i'm kind of going invite crazy... mostly because i have tons of left over invites just waiting to go to someone! i'm just handing them out like fliers not really expecting anyone to show up. i'm like in this crazy panic mode. i flash back to middle school and remembering how incredibly unpopular i was so every time a birthday came around i just invited everyone hoping at least a fourth would show up. about 5th grade i stopped having birthday parties because they stressed me out too much.

for someone who rejects pretty much everyone i am surprisingly unable to handle rejection.

on a happier note, i do have a photographer. it worked out the one of my old co-workers does photography for a lot of promotional parties for denver local magazines like FM and Illiterate.

his name is matt novak by the way and you can see his stuff here.

he's the one that took these pictures of me:

and because greg refused to rent a photo booth matt says he'll recreate the idea and do something like this:

so it should be fun!!!

next time i feel like posting i'll tell you about the 14 pies i'm baking personally for the wedding.

because i looooove the stress.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

thoughts on jackson


but also kind of relieved.

and maybe just a little disappointed

Thursday, June 11, 2009

your face

so i dont have internet which is why i havent updated this in awhile.

ill tell you a bit about the wedding planning.

so invitations. yes the blight of my world. i went and used all their stuff to make an invitation on adobe illustrator. did all the crap and then went to kinkos to find out that they didnt have the paper i needed, the colors were wrong and everything wasnt lining up. so fuck you diy. fuck. you.

after finding out that office depot didnt have the paper i wanted my mother turned to me:
"What is it you always say to me? Oh yeah, In your face!"
yeah my mother "in your faced" me. and it was sweet.

in the end we went to Micheal's where i found out that the magazine BRIDES puts out invitation sets you just print your information on. so you kids will be getting those. and i dont care if i sold out. because holy shit when my printing at kinkos was going to be $500 i almost cried. the invitation set cost $30. my stamps cost more than my invites.

to make up for our uncraftiness in the invites greg and i made wire frames for 25 mason jars to hang in the trees.

did i mention my photographer pulled out? did i? while she did.

i hate weddings

Friday, May 29, 2009

nerd fest

so through most my adult life i have had this question about myself. this question that defines my very beingwhich i have always remained undecided about.

am i a stars wars nerd or a star trek nerd.

after last week its safe to say that i am indeed a trekkie. i mean after that experience in college when my roommate gave me my much beloved "KHAAAAAAAAAAN!" shirt i should have known. but after i saw the newest addition im pretty much in love with the campy nerd fest known as star trek.

discovering my newiest love greg downloaded ever single star trek movie for me and we have spent the last 6 days locked up eating popcorn and watching the unfolding drama that is the enterprise.

quote of the day:

after my manager belches very loudly:
me: oh thanks for blowing that in my face
her: "I also almost threw up in my mouth."
me: you are like the best person ever

Sunday, May 10, 2009


me: "without mothers there would also be no hitler, so what exactly are they trying to say?"

internet ad: I erased stretch marks by obeying this 1 rule!
me: "don't get knocked up?"

bitch at the faint show: "Lets all remember our personal space so we can have a good time!" said after standing right infront of me and then trying to push me away from her.
me: "lets all stop being fucking cunts so we don't get elbowed in the face" not really a witticisms, but it was a good show. later i did hit her in the face with my holga. why cant i just get along with girls?

ps- this whole small world thing is starting to get annoying. i think its time to shake the dirt off my roots and move out of denver.

Monday, April 27, 2009

seriously wasting time

so yes the rumors are true. i certainly do breakdown into a fit of girlish giggles at the mere mention of ira glass. this man who most certainly is twice my age sets my heart a flutter. and all he does is talk brokenly and asks people prudent questions calmly and softly. and of course makes This American Life crack to me. pure snortable crack...for my ears.

last thursday was the semicast of this american life live and broadcasted to some 400 theatres across the u.s. which was pretty nifty if you are the biggest nerd around. which i am. sadly i did not understand the concept of semicast at the time of this conversation with greg:

"Oh wow, you got a new outfit."
"yeah, i wanted to look spiffy for ira" (apparently we're on first names)
"You do know that it's a live broadcast... not a live show?"
"WHA?! damn it!"

on another npr note i heard the best interview done by terri gross and russell brand where he actually said:

" I don't know if you've ever been on crack cocaine Terri..."

she politely let the question slide but filled my small head with a ceaseless desire to know. so terri, have you?

i'm a bit behind on the whole loving russell brand thing too. but i promise im making it up with unbridled devotion.

obviously this blog entry is so long because i should be doing something important. like writing a paper and putting together a presentation. well i had a few ideas and then i went to class last week where someone already got up there and presented a paper on art nouveau and contemporary comic books and i was like, "well fucking hell! what the fuck do i write about now?" and you know what i chose? Hill House. a stupid house in the middle of scotland done by this guy and, only in certain books, his wife. really i tried to write about the wife and interior spaces and the whole sexualization of domestic spaces blah blah blah, but theres really no scholarship on that (blatant lie to get out of researching). so mostly its like: "oh wow this house is neato!" "finding women in art is hard!" "here are some fancy pictures:)!!" i write really good papers.

this by the way is waldo's evil doopleganger (redundant) who in fact is not called renaldo like i thought, but odlaw which is waldo spelled backwards. oh you clever rapscalian!

so now when you see me in on my bike with my classic black and yellow knit cap do not yell "You're awesome Renaldo!" for that is wrong, but rather "If only I could be as trendy as you Odlaw!" which is the correct name of the fictional character i look exactly like.

sometimes im still surprised when ive hit yet another all time low.

ps- ira glass is super fiddgity and gangly. what the hell is there not to like?!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

customer service

irate customer doing a return:

"If you just looked at the name on the card this wouldn't of happened!" adds hand gestures and facial expressions pretending to look at a card.

in my head: "if you didn't teach your daughter to be such a selfish bitch this wouldn't of happened"

folks we can't stop your children from stealing your credit cards and making crazy purchases on them. thats your job, dont fucking yell at us for your bad parenting.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

my crush

this is drew danburry. he = amazing. he's most known for his facial hair and pink fanny pack, also his jump kicks. he's also way nice.

on a totally different topic:

"slow down, you'll hit a pedestrian!!"
"How will I hit a pedestrian?"
"you know they can pedest right infront of you!"
"Thats not how that word works."

ps- i'm going to be writing this blog how i wrote in my old one. few caps and punctuation. also when it comes to quotes anything i've said is going to be in lowercase.

now you know.

Thursday, April 2, 2009


I noticed a man walking through the wind when his hat got blown off. Like a well rehearsed comic routine the hat skidded just past his grasp several times as he went to pick it up. After finally securing it back on his head he crossed the street, right when he reached the other side his hat is lifted from his head again and WAM totally gets run over by a car. It was pretty awesome.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

dude, you do not want to be the girl of the wedding pair

yeah I know, most flattering picture of me ever. I'm not really into this new DELL Greg got at all. In fact I kind of hate it.

anyway, I'm in "bed" with a nasty head cold. I quote bed simply because I'm actually situated on the futon in the living room. Its pretty awesome except I can hear the sweet laughter of children outside and I want to punch them in their faces.

I spent all weekend nursing Greg back to health only to be rewarded with the same cold he got from some 3rd grader.

As you can tell sickness makes me rather surly.

I also wanted to mention how I really like Jared's, yeah the "Galleria of Jewelry". After going to Zales to have my ring sized I was rather put off by the help when the employee told me that the 4 1/2 size I wanted was going to be too small. With no further explanation forth coming I simply said that it was the size of my finger so that’s what wanted for the size of my ring. Came back a week later to find my ring still didn't fit me. The employee sized the ring at 4 3/4. They said the best option would be to get those little balls placed on the inside of the ring so it wouldn't slide around. That would only set me back 60 bucks. I said no and walked out. Later I went to Jared's told them my problem and they set me up with a ring guard for free saying that the setting could warp if I try to go a size smaller. Granted it's not the classiest of solutions but now I can change the size of my ring pretty easily through out the day as my fingers swell of deflate. Jared's is annoying because they try to sell you a bunch of stuff while you're in there, but they're much more helpful in explaining things and were just nice in general. It was a pleasant surprise.

Did I also mention I went into David's Bridal? Yeah, that was a bad choice. If you've ever had the pleasure of running into me you might have noticed I'm not always gender specifically dressed. I work around the men's department at work all day which leaves me liking their styles a lot more than the short skirts and see through tops of the ladies. Either way I looked like a 12 year old boy playing dress up. I had to go into this little room take off all my clothes and then have someone open the door and slide the dress over my head. I really hope she noticed that I don't shave.

Cute on the hanger, absolutely ridiculous on me. Though the dress was a size 2 it still slipped from my chest. There was so much beading that my arms we being cut up from the friction and I got a rash from the silly fabric.

Halfway home I realized I left my bandanna in the fitting room and had to go back for it only to find a real girl in the same room. Not making eye contact she handed the awkward pubescent boy back the filthy shred of cloth that was for some reason in her room.

It was pretty shitty.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Rain Man

Somewhere Out There

One of the more recent This American Life episodes is linked above. And I like it a lot. I am not a brave person, I am just terribly stubborn and I feel marriage is going to be really hard, but incredibly silly. And fuck do I enjoy silly.

During my whole life after every new experience I have learned that I am just about average at any sort of talent (or below average, but let's look at the glass half full...or at least 1/3). Dancing= average, Piano= average, Printmaking= average, Writing=average; I do excel at nerdy book reading though...

Anyway I have finally found my true calling! I think that the toy art boom is running on its last leg, but of course this means that spin off toy sales are through the roof/ power walking down the block.

Blind Box toys are series of vinyl toys designed by some or several artists and distributed by, let's face it people, KidRobot. They are packaged in opaque bags and put in unlabeled boxes. You pretty much by a shit ton of the same toy hoping to collect one of each figure in the series. My weakness in Nathan Jurevicius' Scary Girl collection and just recently these little guys:

Cute, huh? And just a little disturbing, especially when I move them around the apartment so Greg thinks they're plotting to kill him (favorite place so far: in the medicine cabinet, nothing says you're going to die better than one of these little guys holding your razor).

But, I'm getting off track. I've gotten really good at shaking and feeling blind boxes that I have a 1 in 3 odds of getting exactly the toy I want. No really, I did all the math. My popularity has gotten to the point where people have me pick their blind boxes for them.

When I told Greg about my amazing abilities he said:

"You're like the Rain Man of stupid shit."

You hear that people, I'm like the Rain Man!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Kitten Fails, Soup Wins!

I love this video.

Anyway. I feel like I'm cheating on my other blog by posting in this one, but I feel it is pointless to post in the other one. So I'm just going through a little transition trouble.

I love where I work. Though not really considered a real job, where else can you forget to bring your can opener for your soup and still with a little ingenuity enjoy that soup before your lunch break is up?

I had given in that my soup would never get out of it's blasted can. I just sat and sadly stared at the cold metal knowing that just inside was a warm delicious lunch waiting to be born. I had asked around already if anyone had a can opener, because its just the kind of place that someone would. The display artist took over, because he usually solves most my problems at work. In the end he hammered a hunting knife (which he carries on his person at all times) through the lid to give the giant wire cutters enough leverage to get around the can. After all the cursing and cutting the lid was a ragged mess, but it no longer imprisoned my sweet delicious glory of minestrone.

"there are metal shavings in my soup"
"Naw, those are just pepper flakes."

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


The life of a bride (I prefer the term "partner") to be is rather strange. I work in a mall and as I walk to my store at the very end of the mall I am confronted with glorified billboards showing me enormous pictures of insane looking rings and pictures of insane faced girls from Hyde Park.

Go check out and throw up. Women and weddings are suppose to be synonymous as apparently the only day a woman will have complete control over in their whole lives. This site is chock full of helpful tips to get your boyfriend to propose. There is even a helpful "Panic" button that closes the site instantly if your boyfriend happens to come into the room. My favourite though is an email template you fill out remind your boyfriend just how long you have been dating and isn't it about time you make some real commitments?

I can't help but wonder if the rate of divorce is on the rise not because of this disastrously lack of morals that the right keeps spouting about but the fact that it is a commercialized monster whose sole purpose is to make money. That after creating this fantasy day the actual relationship doesn't hold up to all the promises. It's more than just a day and a ring and a perfect dress but two people making a promise.

I should probably mention my engagement moment. It was cliché to say the least be on Christmas night and the fact that I completely knew what was going on. But it was lame and fell short from anything crazy romantic that these moments are "suppose" to be. We were tired from family hopping with the puppy in tow and I just wanted to get the day over. At the bottom of my stocking was a box with a blue string in it. I knew what it was for but I played dumb. And Greg rambled something about us getting married I said yes. And there you go.

But that ribbon is special to me. Greg lost an ebay bid for a ring for me and then scoured the town looking for a toy ring from a quarter machine not finding one ended up a Michael’s looking for some replacement. He found the ribbons, looked around and cut a length and pocketed it.

Yeah that’s right kids, my engagement ring is stolen property. Living on the edge.

Our first picture together.