Monday, January 18, 2010


omg what the hell have i been doing?
well nothing and lots.
holidays past with out too much flair. did almost set the kitchen on fire on christmas. that was kind of awesome.
threw a couple dinner parties. you know your party is fancy when you have two pony kegs in the kitchen (left over from the wedding...).
my sister had her baby!!! lilliana elise! how sweet is that?!?!
im quitting my job, finally!
hilarious night.
including girl hitting on me, being rebuffed and then staring at me while making out with someone else. there are reasons i never dated many girls, cuz theyre fucking crazy. crazy.

"Hey, I've seen around."
"yeah... don't you come into urban a lot?"
"That wasn't me."
random girl quickly walks away.

seriously? all of them crazy.

greg finds the whole situation hilarious. sadly he isn't dealing with being ostracize by an entire community for marrying a man.

"So are you gay?"
i hold my hand up vertically and tip it back and forth
"It's an A or B answer."
"no, its not. its a C answer."

i dont know why that in my family i was the only one who agreed with my mother that sexuality is fluid. but its hard to practice that when in a culture, even in the gay one, that everything has to be so black and white, A or B. its hard enough trying to figure out who the fuck you are when even gay people don't believe in bi sexuality. its not "fence sitting" it not that simple or its very simple. its so human to categorize even when it seems we're all fighting from being put in a box. i just cant help who im attracted to. and i love the ambiguous questions people ask as they try to pin it down. mentioning being married puts people at ease, but, as my mom says "the dykie haircut", if off putting. gays feel that im tricking them or myself. there are reason ive only come out to very few people. first i feel like its pretty obvious, second no one believes in the C answer. well its my life. and its me. im not a supporter of the gay community, i am part of it.

so whats it about now? well i guess its about talking. sexuality is ambiguous and so personal, but im not going to let people feel that theyre freaks because theyre neither A or B. im tired of feeling like i have to adjust myself to swing certain ways at certain times in order for others to feel more comfortable.

these last couple of years have been about leaving an old life of pretend to figure out who i really am, but more than that its about coming to terms with who i am. so there you go.
i like girls
i like boys
im married to the greatest man in the world
im not straight (duh)

Listening to: Spekeasy Tiger (The Public)

Tracks: 1. I Was Born

3. Limbs


  1. what makes you think you're the only one who agrees that sexuality is fluid? i'm pretty sure that most of us feel that way and more than you have been involved with both men and women. and mom does NOT think sexuality is fluid. sorry. bubes. sammy just jumped on the coffee table. apparently he says hi.