not myself tonight

so i know this is long over due, but seriously japans copyright laws are assholes. its taken me forever to find a version of "not myself tonight" that will play in this god damn country. FINALLY found it thank god. i havent been reading anything on it because i knew i couldnt watch it.

first off i have never been a huge fan of christina aguilera, i was a more of a no doubt girl when christina came into the pop world. but i cant deny the girl has an amazing voice. and when i saw all the promo shots of this video knew i had to get down with it no matter what. so lets watch:



so first up i cant stand the product placement. i want to have lady gaga's babies but i still hate all the product placement in her videos. i dont like that this video isnt really anything we havent seen before. but im still in love with it. not going to lie. the blinged out s&m shit is fucking hot and i want anything with a rhinestone crotch. the sex jewelry is also gorgeous looking and i think somewhat covert to people who aren't as obsessed with sex as they should be.

so im going to say i love this video and song, but mostly because i love this type of shit right now. probably wont be buying the album, and definitely not an aguilera convert, but ill watch this video like 8 more times today.

gentleman

this is from the online comic "Lifelines" that i fell in love with recently. i feel like this moment is very true for me.

update

omg what the hell have i been doing?
well nothing and lots.
holidays past with out too much flair. did almost set the kitchen on fire on christmas. that was kind of awesome.
threw a couple dinner parties. you know your party is fancy when you have two pony kegs in the kitchen (left over from the wedding...).
my sister had her baby!!! lilliana elise! how sweet is that?!?!
im quitting my job, finally!
hilarious night.
yep.
including girl hitting on me, being rebuffed and then staring at me while making out with someone else. there are reasons i never dated many girls, cuz theyre fucking crazy. crazy.

"Hey, I've seen around."
"yeah... don't you come into urban a lot?"
"That wasn't me."
random girl quickly walks away.

seriously? all of them crazy.

greg finds the whole situation hilarious. sadly he isn't dealing with being ostracize by an entire community for marrying a man.

"So are you gay?"
i hold my hand up vertically and tip it back and forth
"It's an A or B answer."
"no, its not. its a C answer."

i dont know why that in my family i was the only one who agreed with my mother that sexuality is fluid. but its hard to practice that when in a culture, even in the gay one, that everything has to be so black and white, A or B. its hard enough trying to figure out who the fuck you are when even gay people don't believe in bi sexuality. its not "fence sitting" it not that simple or its very simple. its so human to categorize even when it seems we're all fighting from being put in a box. i just cant help who im attracted to. and i love the ambiguous questions people ask as they try to pin it down. mentioning being married puts people at ease, but, as my mom says "the dykie haircut", if off putting. gays feel that im tricking them or myself. there are reason ive only come out to very few people. first i feel like its pretty obvious, second no one believes in the C answer. well its my life. and its me. im not a supporter of the gay community, i am part of it.

so whats it about now? well i guess its about talking. sexuality is ambiguous and so personal, but im not going to let people feel that theyre freaks because theyre neither A or B. im tired of feeling like i have to adjust myself to swing certain ways at certain times in order for others to feel more comfortable.

these last couple of years have been about leaving an old life of pretend to figure out who i really am, but more than that its about coming to terms with who i am. so there you go.
i like girls
i like boys
im married to the greatest man in the world
im not straight (duh)

Listening to: Spekeasy Tiger (The Public)

Tracks: 1. I Was Born

3. Limbs

this happens when all your friends are guys

talking with best friend about girls:

him: "So I had to make out with her to just to make sure it wasn't my fault. You know, that I hadn't lost my touch."
me: oh no it wasnt you, she's a really bad kisser.
him: "Yeah, okay! Wait..."
me: oh yeah, ive totally had her.


ahhh, when worlds collide...

i really need to have more female friends.