Thursday, February 26, 2009

Rain Man

Somewhere Out There

One of the more recent This American Life episodes is linked above. And I like it a lot. I am not a brave person, I am just terribly stubborn and I feel marriage is going to be really hard, but incredibly silly. And fuck do I enjoy silly.

During my whole life after every new experience I have learned that I am just about average at any sort of talent (or below average, but let's look at the glass half full...or at least 1/3). Dancing= average, Piano= average, Printmaking= average, Writing=average; I do excel at nerdy book reading though...

Anyway I have finally found my true calling! I think that the toy art boom is running on its last leg, but of course this means that spin off toy sales are through the roof/ power walking down the block.

Blind Box toys are series of vinyl toys designed by some or several artists and distributed by, let's face it people, KidRobot. They are packaged in opaque bags and put in unlabeled boxes. You pretty much by a shit ton of the same toy hoping to collect one of each figure in the series. My weakness in Nathan Jurevicius' Scary Girl collection and just recently these little guys:

Cute, huh? And just a little disturbing, especially when I move them around the apartment so Greg thinks they're plotting to kill him (favorite place so far: in the medicine cabinet, nothing says you're going to die better than one of these little guys holding your razor).

But, I'm getting off track. I've gotten really good at shaking and feeling blind boxes that I have a 1 in 3 odds of getting exactly the toy I want. No really, I did all the math. My popularity has gotten to the point where people have me pick their blind boxes for them.

When I told Greg about my amazing abilities he said:

"You're like the Rain Man of stupid shit."

You hear that people, I'm like the Rain Man!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Kitten Fails, Soup Wins!

I love this video.

Anyway. I feel like I'm cheating on my other blog by posting in this one, but I feel it is pointless to post in the other one. So I'm just going through a little transition trouble.

I love where I work. Though not really considered a real job, where else can you forget to bring your can opener for your soup and still with a little ingenuity enjoy that soup before your lunch break is up?

I had given in that my soup would never get out of it's blasted can. I just sat and sadly stared at the cold metal knowing that just inside was a warm delicious lunch waiting to be born. I had asked around already if anyone had a can opener, because its just the kind of place that someone would. The display artist took over, because he usually solves most my problems at work. In the end he hammered a hunting knife (which he carries on his person at all times) through the lid to give the giant wire cutters enough leverage to get around the can. After all the cursing and cutting the lid was a ragged mess, but it no longer imprisoned my sweet delicious glory of minestrone.

"there are metal shavings in my soup"
"Naw, those are just pepper flakes."

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


The life of a bride (I prefer the term "partner") to be is rather strange. I work in a mall and as I walk to my store at the very end of the mall I am confronted with glorified billboards showing me enormous pictures of insane looking rings and pictures of insane faced girls from Hyde Park.

Go check out and throw up. Women and weddings are suppose to be synonymous as apparently the only day a woman will have complete control over in their whole lives. This site is chock full of helpful tips to get your boyfriend to propose. There is even a helpful "Panic" button that closes the site instantly if your boyfriend happens to come into the room. My favourite though is an email template you fill out remind your boyfriend just how long you have been dating and isn't it about time you make some real commitments?

I can't help but wonder if the rate of divorce is on the rise not because of this disastrously lack of morals that the right keeps spouting about but the fact that it is a commercialized monster whose sole purpose is to make money. That after creating this fantasy day the actual relationship doesn't hold up to all the promises. It's more than just a day and a ring and a perfect dress but two people making a promise.

I should probably mention my engagement moment. It was cliché to say the least be on Christmas night and the fact that I completely knew what was going on. But it was lame and fell short from anything crazy romantic that these moments are "suppose" to be. We were tired from family hopping with the puppy in tow and I just wanted to get the day over. At the bottom of my stocking was a box with a blue string in it. I knew what it was for but I played dumb. And Greg rambled something about us getting married I said yes. And there you go.

But that ribbon is special to me. Greg lost an ebay bid for a ring for me and then scoured the town looking for a toy ring from a quarter machine not finding one ended up a Michael’s looking for some replacement. He found the ribbons, looked around and cut a length and pocketed it.

Yeah that’s right kids, my engagement ring is stolen property. Living on the edge.

Our first picture together.